I've been trying to write something positive.

About a year ago when I started this blog had a simple objective. I wanted to be able to create something I own where I could just be creative. I wanted space where I could talk about my interests without being concerned about how well the algorithm dictated its performance. I wanted something that was free from all the problems of the modern internet. The good news is I got exactly that. If you are subscribed to these emails and assuming these don’t end up in your spam. This blog works as intended. However, I have encountered a problem over the past few months. I am still human.

Since July my posts have been less frequent. It began with summer spinning my life into a dizzy speed of family obligations, Camping trips and my normal mental fluctuation that cause me to procrastinate anything I am not currently focused on. Now that it is fall I have found a different issue to contend with. Simply writing anything positive. While I might not know many of you who read these on a personal level. I would imagine that the last thing you want to see is eleven hundred words from some content creator about why YouTube sucks this week or the fifth post in a row about how a video I spent weeks working on under-performed. I have often been a glass half empty type of person. At least since I reached adulthood. I think the world we live in at the moment re-enforces that feeling to an extent. If you look at just about any industry or country at the moment it becomes increasingly easy to feel nihilistic.

I need to remember what I do and who I do that for. As a YouTuber I make videos about video games and try to tell stories with those games to the best of my ability. As a streamer I stream video games that interest me and try to interact and entertain an audience while doing so. I’ve always tried to make things that I want to watch and for the most part that is true. But as time goes on I watch less and less video game related entertainment on YouTube and Twitch.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and I love that I get to do it. My point here is on this blog I have deleted thousands of words complaining about YouTube's obsession with AI. Google demolishing what little usefulness It has left. Governments obsessiveness with ending personal privacy. Every social media service becoming a anger machine. Prices of food skyrocketing and so on. What started as a busy summer has turned into a angry and nihilistic fall that I am having a hard time hiding. Most of my life I have had seasonal mood swings so that is nothing new for me and from a mental health perspective. I will likely snap out of this in a few weeks.

I just wanted to let you know that the main reason posts have been infrequent is I don’t want to fill your inbox with the same upsetting thoughts as any news source. My goal with this blog is to share my thoughts and activities outside of what I normally do. Not cause stress or upset.

This was something I needed to get out of my system. Thanks for reading.

I'm playing it by ear this week. It depends on how I feel. Mentally I am a dumpster at the moment so if my mood holds up we'll do a full week of streams. If not then we'll keep it a simple Tuesday - Thursday week.